Several years ago, I stumbled upon a blog post about a mother explaining to her daughter that she had permission to break her heart – because that’s really what happens when you love someone: you open yourself to that possibility. A broken heart.
And I think about that a lot.
I’ve always felt things deeply. I used to be called manteiga derretida (melted butter) as a child because I cried so easily, even watching movies. And I still do! I am deeply touched by the world around me.
I found solace about my ways when I first watched Brené Brown speak about the power of vulnerability. [1] But for a long, long time, I made myself wrong. For feeling. For loving.
The problem was… as time went by, I realized that whenever I regretted something, it was always because I hadn’t loved enough. When I “lost” people, the only things I regretted were the time not spent, the love not expressed…
Never loving too much.
Never giving someone too much of my time.
One thing Brené Brown’s work taught me is that we cannot close ourselves off only to the painful feelings. You either feel it all, or you numb it all. There is no in-between.
If you want to live fully – and I will always advocate that you do, because your life truly is your greatest and most important work – you have to let yourself feel all of it. The good and the bad!
It takes courage to allow yourself to feel the hard emotions: doubt, shame, regret… But if you don’t let yourself feel them as deeply as they reach you, how will you ever feel the joy? And the excitement? The magic of meeting someone at the level of their soul, whether they’re serving you at a restaurant or waking up next to you?
Life is a gift. Life is what you make of it. And there is no living it fully unless you allow your heart to be broken. Because if you don’t, then you have never truly allowed yourself to feel the beauty of the world around you.
The way someone reveals themselves through their art.
The feelings a song awakens in you.
The memory a smell suddenly brings back.
The things that MOVE you. That make you surrender a little more. Submit to the glory of creation one more time.
As a Brazilian sambista sings:
To live and not be ashamed of being happy,
To sing, and sing, and sing
Of the beauty of being an eternal learner.
I know life ought to be much better – and it will be
But that does not stop me from repeating:
It is beautiful, it is beautiful, and it is BEAUTIFUL!
Paula Camila Pinto | Direito, Consciência & Arte 