We’re surrounded by other people. Real privacy is a myth. We’re constantly sharing our feelings, thoughts and activities. Internet allowed us to create an edited life. And, among all that, it is so easy to forget the answer to this question: who are we living for?
It is undeniable that we’re part of a community. Or that no man is an island. We need each other to make progress as a society… but, we do not need each other to be happy. Relationships are opportunities to express ourselves, be who we are and get to know ourselves. Or else, how would we act, react, interact? Happiness, on the other hand, is a state of the spirit – or of mood – if that makes more sense. The only one who feels his feelings or not is the individual, that can establish any condition to be (or not) happy.
“I will only be happy if I have the newest car”, “I’ll only be happy if I can make 20k a month”, “I’ll only be happy if I have the perfect family”, “I will only be happy if my husband will notice I changed my hair color”, “I will only be happy if my team wins the championship “. It is Ok to want all of this. Really! We’re moved by desires and interests. However, if we condition our happiness and well-being to external circumstances, over which we have no control… we must be prepared for a roller-coaster ride. It’s so uncertain and so unpredictable. We create unrealistic expectations and we cross our fingers and hope the world will just follow along.
Expectation is slaying. To those who creates and to those for whom it is created. We creates a pattern and hope others will live up to it. We’re conditioning our feelings. We justify our unhappiness, our lack of politeness, our coarseness with the behavior of another. However, nothing or no one has control over how we feel and how we act, except if we allow it. If I choose to be solely responsible for how I feel, what kinds of thoughts I think, how I will be and act… It is done! I’ve chosen it. Instead…. if I restrict myself to something surrounding me…. boy, am I creating a prison for myself.
To be happy, we need Love. For us and for everything else. We learn to love and accept ourselves in order to love and accept others because the relationships we have are a reflection of our relationship with ourselves. And Love respects. They understand other limitations and has no intention of enslaving them to our wishes in order to offer a feeling, a friendship. The capacity to feel is ours.
Do not impose life scripts to others, neither wear their costumes or fantasies. We’re all free to feel and be whomever we like. We must free ourselves from the fetters that choke all of us. The expectation of submitting the other to ours hopes and wishes. And, specially, our submission to others expectations and desires.
Live and let live. And in a free world, we’ll be finally able to breathe peacefully, aware and conscious that we’re living among real people and not people wearing masks. Respect and accept the other and just be yourself.
Paula Camila Pinto | Direito, Consciência & Arte 